Friday, July 31, 2009

Jailbird Phil Spector Checks In


http://mrbuyer.blogspot.com/


Hi, I'm Mr. Wall of Sound. I'm also in prison. I spend a lot of time training myself to not pick up anything I drop, ya dig? It is hard being incarcerated for killing a perfectly good blond. If I took out one of the cast members of "The Hills" I would have received a medal. Maybe 2. Because I had so much disposable income, I could keep guns around my house and intimidate people when my toupees didn't. I miss them. They always gave me unconditional love. I hope my wife is feeding them. Speaking of disposable income, have you seen Stephon Marbury's webcasting antics? See Stephon crash his car. See him cry. See him eat Vaseline. At least it was not Valvoline. Anyway, someone else who is not in the slammer will report to you soon on the MikePod and the latest book that Egghead Mac Mullen has finished.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Taco Bell Dog/Son Of Sam


http://mrbuyer.blogspot.com/


Hello. If you are reading this I am dead. Yes, I used my cute charm and spanish accent (kinda like Salma Hayek) to sell you mucho amounts of chalupas. What you may not know is that I was also the Son Of Sam. That's right, I was the telekinetic dog who instructed that cutie pie Dave Berkowitz to take out those people in the 1970's in New York. He didn't have to listen to me! Hey, how come when people hear voices they always do bad things? Why can't people who hear voices hear benign things like investment advice? Or maybe recipes? I gotta go and hopefully get through the Pearly Gates. Sounds like a gameshow host huh? By the way, ole Mikey finished another book. Also, if he were to have a couple it would be provided by Coors. News would be provided by Lauren Cohn

Friday, July 17, 2009

Broken Down Babe Alert! Mischa Barton Posts


http://mrbuyer.blogspot.com/


Wow. No one remembers me except for the OC. I am batshit crazy and I don't like to eat. I will kill you if you invite me to smorgasbord. If Sascha Baron Cohen ate that way would it be "Smorgasborat?" BTW (By the way, that means By The Way)Mike finished another book. I hope to get past the copyright page one of these days.I have to go. I am on a 5150 hold. Not Van Halen, just a nice rest so I don't have to promote another awful movie no one but the guy I am ordering around, uh dating, will watch.

Mischa Barton (through her PR person)

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Genius Alert! Lauren Conrad Posts!


http://mrbuyer.blogspot.com/

Hi LC here. That's Lauren Conrad, not LC Greenwood. As you no doubt (not the band) know, I have left "The Hills" to pursue other opportunities just like Mike. I wanted to update the world about my latest endeavors. I am on my way to MIT to shape the minds of the future with my intellectual firepower. Did you know I have written a book? I didn't either, I was just told by my handlers that I did. Anyway, there are 3 things I hate: 1) Other blondes: Why do they all have to look like me? 2) The "B" word, Brunette. Yuck! 3) Redheads: I did not know that Lucille Ball was a redhead. Really! I always thought she had black and white hair. Who knew? Well I gotta go. I am going to put out another book called the Conradist Manifesto. It will be like Groucho Marx's book about a political system. In my case, it is how TV producers, handlers and a brilliant young woman can manipulate the TV proletariat. Whatever that means.

Kisses!
Lauren

Friday, July 10, 2009

Special Guest Crumudgeon: Wilford Brimley



http://mrbuyer.blogspot.com/
I'm Wilford Brimley. I have diabetes. I also have not had a dump since the Carter Administration. You'd be grumpy too. Anyway, I thought I would use the free time here provided by the city slickered jerk who writes this garbage and talk about Liberty Medical. They send you your supplies when you need them. No forms to fill out (Old people hate to fill out forms) No charge for shipping (old people hate shipping and they also hate to be charged for it.) I am also making inroads in to the hip hop community. See my rap video? How's that for keeping it real? Ever hear my LP? I can rock it out if need be. By the way, Mike finished another book report. Alright, I have to go and be ornery somewhere else. Maybe over @Betty White's. Before I head over there(get it?)I need to do a Viagra commercial. I should probably also have a Metamucil milkshake.

Peace out beyatch!
Wilford

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Ina Garten Posts


Ina Garten

I am an elitist. My nose is stuck up so high that I can touch the top of the Sears Tower sitting down. 3 Things I am not: 1) Mindy Cohn (Facts Of Life) 2) Ina Garden 3) The Big Fat Contessa. Mike is a commoner. Unlike me, he is striving to improve himself, where as I don't have to. Because I am a thoughtful person I decided to take myself down a notch (or 30) and contribute to this blog while he is away. 2 days ago I ate a sandwhich. I did not know you could eat it in your hands! (I didn't use my hands, just the hands of the hapless intern who is writing this. I am afraid of the Intronet.) It had been so long since I had a sandwich. Let's see, today is Wed, Tuesday, Monday, ah yes, June 4, 1967! There was a servants strike in the Hamptons and the gold utensils were dirty. So we had to improvise.

On the MikePod: (Isn't that cute! I don't have an iPod, I just hire bands to play for me in person)

Heaven & Hell: "The Devil You Know"
Pink Floyd: "A Momentary Lapse Of Reason"
Love & Rockets: "Love & Rockets"

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Stop The Freemasons

Hi DVP here again! I watched the coverage of the Michael Jackson Memorial and it made me think that the Freemasons have struck again. They forced ABC to cancel Eight is Enough because they did not want America entertained in the 1970's. Their actions made Susan Richardson bat shit crazy, Adam Rich a junkie and Willie Aames a Jesus Freak and fat.

I am announcing counter measures to the Freemasons. We are calling our group the "Captivemasons". Hopefully, we can bring back Eight is Enough. Hopefully, my new wife on the show will be hot, like Tanya Memme

I saw HGTV has a new show called "Bang For Your Buck" I thought it was about prostitution.

I have to go. The next celebrity is very snooty, just like Bang For Your Buck.

Monday, July 06, 2009

Special Guest: Dick Van Patten


Hi. Why am I taking over this lowly blog on a guest basis? Cause I have nothing else to do that's why! I also have not had this much fun since I saw Betty Buckley's blouse button come off on the set of Eight Is Enough. She played my 2nd wife, but next to me she looked like she was 15. Did you know my son Vincent likes to gamble and do commercials for casino's?

BTW, Mike asked me to mention that he has completed another book and has filed a book report. He finished one on Ted Kennedy and continued to work on the Tom Friedman one. Latest review here

Saturday, July 04, 2009

Happy Birthday America/July 4 musings.


While I Aldo Chellabrated the 4th with some Miller High Life, I started musing about the future. Specifically, cloud computing. I use Google Docs. I like the forms feature that tie into a spreadsheet so you can collect information. What beer should we buy, what should I wear to the bank robbery, etc.

I used the forms feature to set up a meetings with some colleagues recently. So I have accounts with Google Docs, Think Free, Zoho and Edit Grid. You can collaborate online, store these off line, and they are all free! No $150 bloatware to install. No wondering who has the most current version of the document.

I saw Larry King @Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch this week. I bet he was wondering if MJ's ghost would show up. I love to watch Larry cuz he has no clue about pop culture and it is particularly great if he has no interest in the subject @ hand and you can tell some hapless intern is feeding him questions in his headset.

Starting next week, the first of several guests will post on this blog while I devote time to other issues.

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Birthday musings


So I turned 43 July 1. It got me to thinking about things. Like maybe I need to try some new things. While I figure that out, I will have some interesting people take over this blog. I'll make posts through the weekend, but here are some things I noticed in the news recently:

Man inpersonates dead mother: If I was this guy, I would be bothered that I actually fooled people into believing I was an elderly woman. I am sure that will go down well in prison. If I was 90 today instead of 43, I might have picked up flowers. Not.

City workers must wear underwear: Really? How does one, uh enforce that? Does tape count?

Angelina Jolie celebrates world refugee day: I did not know refugees enjoy their status or lack there of. What does one serve? Cake? What does one wear to a party like this? Torn clothes? So nice of Angie to join the little people.